“We’re having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we’re having a swan. You get more stuffing.” – George Carlin
“I celebrated Thanksgiving the old fashioned way. I invited everyone in my neighborhood to my house, we had an enormous feast, and then I killed them and took their land.” – Jon Stewart
“Thanksgiving is an emotional holiday. People travel thousands of miles to be with people they only see once a year. And then discover once a year is way too often.” – Johnny Carson
“Thanksgiving, man! Not a good day to be my pants.” – Kevin James
“Turkey: A large bird whose flesh, when eaten on certain religious anniversaries has the peculiar property of attesting piety and gratitude.” – Ambrose Bierce, from The Devil’s Dictionary
“Coexistence: What the farmer does with the turkey – until Thanksgiving.” – Mike Connolly
“An optimist is a person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.” – Irv Kupcinet
“On Thanksgiving Day, all over America, families sit down to dinner at the same moment – halftime.” – Author Unknown, astutely observing the prevalence of the Thanksgiving Classic.
“I love Thanksgiving turkey … it’s the only time in Los Angeles you see natural breasts.” Arnold Schwarzenegger
